The Famous Artist Wellness Plan™


Artists have long been notorious for their wellness of body and mind. Indisputable experts in life performance, these bastions of creativity are an infallible resource for healthy habits to live by. To optimize your holistic potential, consider The Famous Artist Wellness Plan (FAWP)™. 


  • Wake and quickly smoke opium (Proust). 
  • Swallow uppers to counteract the downers (Monroe). 
  • Do not bathe. Ever (Michaelangelo).
  • Comb hair 100 times (Dickens).
  • Go for a 30 minute ramble in the desert collecting rattlesnake rattles (O’Keefe).
  • Feed your monkeys, hens, parrots, sparrows, fawn, and eagle (Kahlo).
  • Take three shots of vodka and just enough psilocybin (Thompson). 
  • Drink three espressos and watch The Young and the Restless (Rauschenberg).
  • Pound 49 more cups of coffee (Balzac).
  • Create a meticulous record of the previous day’s events. Mail to the IRS (Warhol). 
  • Drink glycerin with a honey chaser to “wash out the pipes” (Armstrong).
  • Eat first breakfast of the day and practice pirouettes (Pavlova).
  • Attend Mass. Have your portrait taken with your pet peahens (O’Connor).
  • Ingest Dexedrine. Experiment with Thorazine, Meprobamate, and Phenobarbital. Chain smoke all day. (Jackson).
  • Swallow downers to counteract the uppers (Monroe).
  • Take anteater for a walk before lecturing in a swimsuit (Dali).
  • Do headstand for ten to fifteen minutes (Stravinsky).
  • Untie knots with your toes (Houdini).
  • Smoke cigar (Twain).
  • Eat brunch then practice the pas de deux (Pavlova).
  • Bet the ponies (Bukowski).
  • Put an unlit cigarette and a flaming match into your mouth. Pull out a burning cigarette (Dean).
  • Smoke cigar (Twain).
  • Eat lunch then dance the pas de trois (Pavlova).
  • Study mimes (Bowie). 
  • Eat pre-dinner then perform the grand pas (Pavlova).
  • Host a seance (af Klint). 
  • House a bottle of gin, seven Martinis and two glasses of wine (Highsmith).
  • Smoke cigar (Twain).
  • Eat supper then solo the dying swan (Pavlova). 
  • Shake off the narcs and go dancing (Holiday).
  • Go to bed with Jane Eyre and a bottle of whiskey (Rhys).
  • Sleep the rest of the day, get blotto and work all night (Pollock). 
  • Drink wine until dawn and write poetry. Revel in the fruits of your healthy lifestyle (Bukowski).

Follow The FAWP™ and we guarantee your creative life will never be the same. Side effects may vary, and include (but are not limited to) addiction, bloating, headaches, rattlesnake bites, divorce, lung cancer, pulled hamstrings, poverty and delusions of grandeur.

Here’s to your health.

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