The Shards Season 1 Episode 3 Is a Nothingburger Except for One Thing — Review

Critic’s Rating: 2.5 / 5.0

2.5

One of the worst things about The Shards is that it lacks an identity. 

Everything is generic, and you can transfer these characters to any other show, and they wouldn’t have an impact on it.

Something that keeps occurring to me when watching this episode — and the show — is that it is a budget Euphoria.

Now that’s a show with an identity. You cannot have Cassie Howard appear in another show and fail to be distinctly Cassie. 

The mean rich girls in The Shards are literally just like any other mean rich girl.

Euphoria also has narration that doesn’t overreach and serves as the emotional anchor, bridging what’s unknown with the episode’s target.

Narration in The Shards is doing a huge disservice to the story in more ways than one.

Igby Rigney is doing a great impression of Bret because, so far, I can’t place my finger on who Bret is supposed to be, and that’s a good thing.

The physicality is endearing and unnerving in equal measure.

But for the life of me, I can’t get behind the voiceover — it is overdone and monotonous. There is no emotional or cadence variation, and it is like listening to someone being forced to read a script.

The voiceover also overreaches by telling the viewer what to believe instead of guiding them to that conclusion.

A lot of what should be delicious visual material is glossed over in narration, leaving only the least interesting parts to tell the story.

That’s why The Shards Season 1 Episode 3, “Help Me! Rhonda!” feels underwhelming because by the end of the forty minutes I was left asking, “Is that it?”

It circles the same arcs from the series premiere without adding anything new. There’s a serial killer, teens are missing, and Bret has a huge hard-on for Robert Mallory.

The rest of the runtime is padded with stakeless sequences and side plots that don’t fit into the larger story.

Through narration, we learn that everyone loves Really Rhonda because she has Tourette’s and does what she wants.

In less than a quarter of the episode’s runtime, we are expected to also like Really Rhonda and be sad that she has been taken.

I do not care for her or that she has been taken.

The reason I don’t care is that I haven’t developed a connection with her, and her being taken is really not sold.

One instance she is skating carefree, and the next the rink is empty.

The Shards keeps setting up its own stakes but deflates them by cutting scenes prematurely.

The horror doesn’t hit the same when you don’t get to the scary parts, and the sex doesn’t get the viewer hot and bothered when you don’t show the nasty.

One of the worst scenes is when Bret trails Robert because he’s convinced himself that Robert is the serial killer, despite there being no concrete evidence except “trust me bro, I have a sense for these things.”

Bret enters the house when Robert leaves, and at the same time we see Really Rhonda wherever she is being held.

Instead of creating excitement that Bret might find her, the scene is deflated by the revelation that they are in two different places — or times — so it really is just Bret walking around.

I’m sorry, but that doesn’t need an extended sequence if it doesn’t lead to anything, which is why it blasts “Edge of Seventeen” for six minutes.

But that’s all The Shards Season 1 is turning out to be — a story that leads nowhere.

Still, there is one good scene that features some emotional depth and makes me care more.

It becomes clear that things between Bret and his stoner boy were more serious than we originally thought.

You never know what you truly want until it’s taken away from you, and for Bret, it is his love for Matt Kelner.

It is so sad to see him sitting there hugging and sniffing Matt’s jacket, and if he wasn’t an overthinker, he’d have realized that he loved Matt — like seriously loved him.

But he goes with “looking into his past.”

After that scene, I want Matt to be found safe because it would keep Bret’s hope alive, even if they might never be together.

Bret might be untrustworthy, but he deserves hope if he can’t have a happy ending.

Gut Check

“Help Me! Rhonda!” does nothing for the story. It is way too short and uninteresting. It can’t decide if it wants to be comedic or dramatic.

After this episode, things will go south because the show simply doesn’t have enough mystery or intrigue to keep going.

The masked serial killer hook can only run for so long, and the characters don’t have enough allure to keep me invested. Half the time I forget that Susan, Debbie, and Thom exist until they start whining. 

Intrusive Thoughts

• I just can’t with the Schaffer family. And Evan Rachel Wood? What a waste of talent in this role.

• So The Shards is based on Bret Easton Ellis’ semi-autobiographical novel, and the character is also writing a semi-autobiographical novel?

Over to you, The Shards fanatics. What did you think of the episode?

Will the show keep snatching characters to keep us invested before the big ending?

Do you like anything so far?

Let’s keep the conversation going — it’s the only way the good stuff survives.

Say something in the comments, share if you’re moved to, and keep reading. Independent voices need readers like you.